Dr. Strangemom (or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the blog)

They Tried To Make Me Atone But I Said No No No

~A New Song For Yom Kippur

(or, what I am doing with my time instead of learning the new music for the High Holydays which start in, like, a minute)

 

They tried to make me go atone

But I said, "no, no, no"

Yes, I've transgressed

But I’ve confessed

So now you know, know, know

 

I’m cool with my past, and I get hungry when I fast

They tried to make me go atone, but

I won't go, go, go

 

 

I'd rather be at home with a drink

Cook you shellfish and a pork sausage link

'Cause there's nothing gonna save me when I pray

And I’ gonna be cremated, anyway

 

You try to make go atone

But I say, “no, no, no.”

#ImdefogoingtoHell

#JewsdontbelieveinHell

#sohahahahahah

#heywhatsthatlighteningboltoverme?

#drstrangemom

 

Easy Money!

Okay, so I will give any of you up to a gajillion dollars if you will break the news to Robin that my new car is a little bit very much flooded on account of that I opened all the windows and the sun roof yesterday afternoon on account of The Very Funky Bad Smell that showed up in my brand new car on account of my driving home from the pool 3 mornings a week in a dripping wet bathing suit on account of the showers at the pool being, basically, marshlands of slime, hair and you-don’t-want-to-know-what, and yesterday was a beautiful sunny day so I thought I’d air out my new car - the one we just had to spend a couple grand on to fix and replace the parts that were a little bit crunched because of the STUPID BACK UP CAMERA that is more confusing than helpful and Robin forced me to buy it because he claims I have no spatial perspective and also, Robin was watching me back in to the driveway which made me nervous on account of his screaming (“STOP!!!! STOP!!!”) and that vein in his neck was popping in and out like a motherfucker, and so it wasn’t my fault I crashed into the wall.
Anyway,
It was a beautiful sunny day yesterday and I’ve only been living in Oregon for 24 years (and only because Robin wanted to move here. Please remind him of that. I gave in and we moved to Oregon because he wanted to) so how should know that it would rain all night? Rain? in Oregon???
And I was distracted when I went to bed because I am really falling behind in High Holydays preparations and learning the new music on account of Poldark and videos of baby elephants, and of course, there’s THE BOOK to work on.

So everything in my car’s interior is soaked, thanks to the stupid sun roof that I didn’t even want because the sun doesn’t hit my face so what’s the point, but the Toyota salesperson seemed so sure I’d like it so I said okay, and now I think I’m going to have to hide the car in the woods and just go the Toyota dealer and ask the salesperson to give me another one just like the old one, the way I used to keep replacing goldfish my kids won at the Purim carnivals when they died a week later ( the goldfish. Not my kids. Oy, spit three times and swing a chicken to the East) and now I’m freaking because it only coast a buck to buy a goldfish back then and even if I switch to non-organic produce and I cancel my New Yorker subscription, I will still be short a few dollars for a new car and I just don’t know how I am going to hide that or distract robin until I can pay back our joint savings, and WHY OH WHY OH WHY didn’t I give him that blowjob last night when he pointed out that he had just showered?????? That would have been smart on my part. 
But I didn’t give him a blowjob. Because Poldark.
#drstrangemon