Working For The Man

Dear "Liberals Only" employment agency,

I really hate to bring this up again. I know you are very busy, but things are pretty tight with me right now, too. Four visits a day to Starbucks to tell the barrister to write "He's Not My President" on my cup is taking a big bite out of my budget.

I really need my paycheck.

My hours:

I made two trips to the airport this week to hold up a "You Are Welcome Here" sign for the Muslims who had been sent back last week. True, I waited at the wrong end of the airport and a nice man arriving from Vegas thought the sign was for him and he bought me a fancy cocktail at Beaches, but still. My intention was to protest.

I would never gouge my own political party, but I also drove two other protesters home from the airport and they lived in Sandy, which is the exact opposite of where I live. Just saying. 

Today I called eleven Senators to urge them not to allow Bannon a seat on the NSC. I also signed approximately twelve hundred online petitions. I didn't keep exact tabs on my hours, but I had to recharge my i-phone twice.

As per your original offer that came by secret liberal code, I am owed $599.00 for my protest work this week. 

Also?

And, again, I really do hate to bug you - I never received my paycheck from when I participated in the Women's March On Washington last month. I understand that those of us in Portland worked at a lower hourly rate than the marchers in DC since the president doesn't care what Portland thinks, but you didn't expect us to protest for free, did you? Please. You want free protesters, go non-Union.

I get it that now that the president has found us out, now that he busted you for paying us to protest, you are trying to keep a low profile. But a deal is a deal. Poster board and Sharpies do not come cheap.

Plus, I am saving up as fast as I can so I can fulfill my promise to buy an Audi. They really drove a hard bargain to agree to air that Super Bowl commercial. And I took the deal with Nordstrom that if they'd drop Ivanka's ass, I'd spend a grand there before Easter.

Please send me my money today. I don't want to have to take this to the 9th circuit. 

Thanking you in advance for your prompt remuneration, I remain,

A liberal protester

 

Comments

[Hawi Moore]

Nice