The Mainstream Apocalypse

Bobby Seale is on Facebook!

This is huge. And thrilling.

And alarming.

Because Black Panthers on Facebook is the ninth sign of the Mainstream Apocalypse.

With all the shit going down these days you might have forgotten to worry about the Mainstream Apocalypse. Well, I haven't. I've been seeing the signs.

It started when pot became legal in Oregon.

Wait, you say, that was a good thing. Who doesn't love pot?

But here's my problem with it:

I don't want to smoke legal weed. That's so lame. You get high and all you want to do is go to Chipotle. 

The whole point of smoking pot is that it's illegal. You know, so you get the badass reputation. Same reason I read The International Communist Review. And the reason I compost. And have orgasms. 

Now, soccer moms all over Oregon are lighting up. They're sharing rolling paper tips on Pintrest and scrapbooking their head trips. Next they'll get pot-leaf tramp stamps and name their babies Kanga Kush and Alien Asshat. And wear Yoga pants with "four-twenty" written on the derriere in Sanskrit. Pot will be gluten-free. Paleo Doritos.

Before you know it, Duggar girls will be birthing their babies with a joint hanging off their lips. Nancy Reagan will rise from the dead to say hell yeah pass the bong. Everyone will be badass. And I will be back to being a nervous, white, Jewish, post-menopausal woman. The most badass thing about me will be that I skipped my colonoscopy to go to a James Taylor concert. God, I am an embarrassment to myself. 

I have got to find a new edge for myself. 

So I sent Bobby Seale a FB friend request. Because when the Mainstream Apocalypse comes, I want someone really awesomely badass on my Friends list. I mean, Cesar Chavez is a FB friend of mine, which is very cool, but I think I sent my request to the other one, the fighter, by mistake. Unless the UFW describes their founder as a welterweight.

I hope Bobby accepts my request. I want to chat with him about the old days of subverting the dominant paradigm and resisting The Man. And I'll post some photos and recipe of the fat free spinach lasagne I made last week. Not that I'm saying Bobby's fat or anything. Berets are not flattering on every face. I'd just mention that to him in a PM. Because that's the kind of FB friend I am.

But if he wants to get high and go to Chipotle, I'm out.