Keeping Down Appearances

So, if a person gets up in the morning, puts her bathing suit on backwards with the giant underwire bra cups all bunched up in the back, and goes to water aerobics that way and and then after class she goes to the bank, and it isn't until she catches a glimpse of herself in the security camera and thinks to herself, who is that floppy four-breasted homunculus standing in line behind me, that she realizes what she's done, should that person be worried that she's kinda slacking, upkeep-wise? I'm asking for a friend. 

I've been thinking that I should put a little more effort into my grooming. 

I think my problem is that I still believe I can just jump out of bed, run my fingers through my hair and be gorgeous. Not that I ever could. When Robin and I were first sleeping together, I used to sneak out of bed before he woke up, and brush my teeth. And - I am ashamed to admit this - I'd put on makeup. Blush, eyeliner, lip stain. And then sneak back into bed and pretend to be asleep. I'm pretty sure that's how I trapped him. Bait and switch.

And then we got married and then thirty-six years passed and now I don't even always bother to get out of bed before I pee in the early morning. Being with the same person forever tends to encourage a sort of laxness in me, effort-wise. 

I pretty much look the same all the time. I look the same at the dog park as I did at my son's wedding. Oh, I was less sweaty at the wedding. And I didn't have plastic dog poop bags tied to my belt. But I didn't look like I had really elevated the category, you know?

I'm not sure I even know how to do that anymore. How do people gussy up these days? I suppose I could curl my hair or something. Put some Neosporin on those infected mosquito bites on my chin. Shave a leg or two.

Or I could just aim for getting my boobs into the bathing suit cups on the first try. Baby steps.