I am pretty worried about some shit.
I am worried that the dull ache in my upper left molar means I am going to need yet another root canal.
I am worried that I will never learn to use my i-phone and I will spend the rest of my life accidentally taking videos of my body parts when I meant to lower the volume on my phone, and saying "hello? Hello??" into the wall phone jack.
And I am worried about the election, of course. I just don't think I have it in me to cope if Romney wins. I might have to repeatedly hit myself on the head with a cast iron frying pan and put myself in a coma for four years. To deal with my worrying, however, I volunteered to do phone banking for Obama.
Here's how you do it:
You call the numbers they give you and you say (into the phone jack), Hello (fill in name). My name is (fill in name) and I am calling from the Obama campaign. Then you ask questions from a prescribed list and thank them for their answers. Then, before they hang up, you ask them if they know of any publishers who would like to make a book out of your blog posts.
Now, I am a pretty good schmoozer despite the fact that I hate talking on the phone. I guess I just hate talking on the phone to people I actually know; talking to faceless names around the country doesn't really bother me. Especially when I get to talk to them about myself.
I mean, Obama.
No I don't.
One lady in Cleveland felt that the dull ache in my molars was something I should definitely ask my dentist about. A man in Dayton suggested Sensodyne. I left a long message on the voice mail of a guy in Columbus about finding a publisher for my blog, but I am still waiting for a call back on that one.
Yep, I think Obama has a good chance.
You're welcome.
Frankly, I don't know how effective phone calling is, even when done correctly by people who are not self-absorbed and hoping to get free dental advice from registered Democrats around the country. I am trying to remember if getting a phone call about something has ever actually spurred me on to do the thing. I am also trying to remember if anything has ever spurred me on to do anything.
Nope. It's really a miracle I get out of bed every morning. But I digress...
Here's how I fantasized the calls would go:
Me: Hello, Ohio Democrat, my name is Dr. Strangemom and I am calling from the Obama campaign.
Ohio D: Dr. Strangemom? The blogger? OMG, I want to publish you.
Me: Thank you. But I am calling about President Obama.
Ohio D: Right. I'm so confused. Tell me what to do, Dr. Strangemom.
Me: Vote for him. Vote in all Democratic senators and congresspeople, as well. And give a lot of money to NORML. And to the David Sheldrick Elephant Orphanage in Kenya. And to me.
O.D: Will do.
(End scene)
In reality, however, it goes this way:
Me: Hello, Ohio Democrat.
Then I get an incoming call on my i-phone and I start pushing random buttons and wind up recording a video of my stomach. Which I send to the Ohio Democrat.
And Obama wins by a landslide.
With you on his side, how can he lose?
Posted by: Claire | 10/14/2012 at 03:59 PM
I did this 4 years ago and I think I talked to one live per person for all the calls I made. Love your wishing for a published while calling. Hope it happens.
Posted by: Madgew | 10/14/2012 at 04:38 PM
...and in his acceptance speech, Obama acknowledges the secret weapon that won him the election - Dr. Strangemom's video of her stomach.
Posted by: Adrienne | 10/14/2012 at 06:06 PM
Love your thoughts.
Posted by: Madgew | 10/15/2012 at 06:00 AM
Thanks for the inspiring reminder to be a good citizen.
I’ve been sadly remiss, and have yet to volunteer to make calls for Obama. But after reading your blog Ann, and seeing how well the script flows when talking to potential donors; I’m going to sign up today!!
Procrastinator no longer!!!
Sincerely,
John
Posted by: John Moss | 10/16/2012 at 02:35 PM