Dr. Strangemom on line one for Scott Walker.....

A round for the Buffalo Beast blogger. It's on me.

I tell you, there is no substitute for comedy classics. Prank call Scott Walker? Pretend to be David Koch, and tape the phone conversation? Right up there with the Chuckles The Clown episode on Mary Tyler Moore. I laughed every time I heard the news today.

You can't buy that kind of pleasure on a cold February day when you are kinda recovering from the flu but still not feeling one hundred percent and yet the world expects you to get outta bed and function and you really thought your jeans were going to be SUPER loose because you didn't eat for three days but instead, they fit exactly the same as before so, really, what is the fucking use of getting the flu?

Anyway, I know for a fact that you cannot buy pleasure because I have in me, right now, about four hundred dollars worth of trying, in the form of Prozac, Xanax, take out Thai and peppermint Schnapps.

Had Governor Walker only heeded my advice about NEVER answering a phone, he could still be known for merely being a nefarious douchebag; now he can add "shitbrain" to his CV. Who's gonna hire you now, Mister Bigshot Nefarious Douchebag Shitbrain? Well??

Oh, right. Koch industries. Halliburton. Carl's Jr. And they'll pay him more money than I could ever imagine. With benefits. And perks. And power. And everything he's ever wanted in life.

That'll show him.

The first prank call I ever made was to my next door neighbors, when I was six. Karen and I were embroiled in a fierce feud with them, the likes of which was not seen until Lindsey and Avril duked it out at the Chateau M last spring . We hated our neighbors, we hated the parents, we hated the kids, we hated everything about them. Our hatred consumed 97% of our years between 1960-1964, with the remaining 1% given over to Barbie dolls and making each other smell our fingers.

The last 2% of our young lives was spent standing outside the bathroom door every night, asking Dad what he really meant by going in there to "see a man about a dog." A dog? We are getting a DOG? Wahoo!

Poor Dad. He and my Mom are/were clearly above average in intelligence. I bet they lay in bed many nights wondering how they had sired such dimwit daughters. Kinda the same way Robin and I sometimes lie in bed wondering how we sired upstanding children who don't do drugs.

Our prank call to the horrible neighbors - the shot heard round the 'hood, as history recalls it - was simple, elegant and fucking awesome. We called them, and when they answered- we HUNG UP. Well, it would have been awesome if we had remembered to actually hang up instead of just pressing down on that hangup button for a nanosecond and then letting it up again, thus continuing our call and allowing our neighbors to hear us laughing, and then hear Mom asking us what we were laughing about.

But really, what can you expect from two girls who are still waiting for their dad (RIP) to carry a puppy out of the bathroom?

 

 

 

Comments

[Madge]

Ann, I have listened to that call in it's entirety and I wish it had contained more damning evidence but just hearing him with the fake Koch tells us about our country and who is beholden to who. You always make me laugh and I enjoyed it this morning as always. You are terrifically clever and I can't wait for the book.

[Cheap Supra Thunder Hightop For Sale]

You can't buy that kind of pleasure on a cold February day when you are kinda recovering from the flu but still not feeling one hundred percent and yet the world expects you to get outta bed and function and you really thought your jeans were going to be SUPER loose because you didn't eat for three days but instead, they fit exactly the same as before so, really, what is the fucking use of getting the flu?

Anyway, I know for a fact that you cannot buy pleasure because I have in me, right now, about four hundred dollars worth of trying, in the form of Prozac, Xanax, take out Thai and peppermint Schnapps.

[True Religion Outlet]

I were embroiled in a fierce feud with them, the likes of which was not seen until Lindsey and Avril duked it out at the Chateau M last spring . We hated our neighbors, we hated the parents, we hated the kids, we hated everything about them. Our hatred consumed 97% of our years between 1960-1964, with the remaining 1% given over to Barbie dolls and making each other smell our fingers.

[True Religion Outlet]

The first prank call I ever made was to my next door neighbors, when I was six. Karen and I were embroiled in a fierce feud with them, the likes of which was not seen until Lindsey and Avril duked it out at the Chateau M last spring . We hated our neighbors, we hated the parents, we hated the kids, we hated everything about them. Our hatred consumed 97% of our years between 1960-1964, with the remaining 1% given over to Barbie dolls and making each other smell our fingers.