It's About Time

So Claudia wrote a list the other day of all the shit her someday future daughter-in-law will notice about her and find hypocritical. Claudia is a playright and an editor, and coming up with this list probably took her the better part of a Friday. It was a really well-written list.

It is precisely this kind of time management choice that bonds me to my Facebook Ladies Writing And Creative Endeavors Salon.

Claudia's boys are nowhere near marrying age; in fact, none of our kids are planning to get married anytime soon, but we all felt compelled to study Claudia's list and discuss it. It's such an important topic. Especially when Jane is late for a meeting and Claire is on a deadline for her next novel.

This whole "working at home on your own time" thing intrigues me. They did not teach time management at my high school. I am certain this is the sole cause of my lazyass lifestyle.

My niece Alia - imbued with all the ambition and work ethic that Karen and I traded in for pot in 1971 - actually showers and gets dressed in real clothes just to work in her home office. When my oldest was here last week for Robin's surgery, he took 8AM  phone consults with clients in a suit. In the living room.

I often go to work in the clothes I slept in the night before. Which were the clothes I went to work in the day before. Really, the only things I am consistently on top of are overeating and tweezing.

And even the tweezing ocassionally goes to hell when life is hectic and I forget to bring the magnifying glass into the bathroom for mustache inspection.

A lackidasical attitude towards personal grooming.

And thus begins the list of things my someday future DIL will notice about me.

I better buckle down and get to work on this list right now.

But first I better go into the bathroom and fix the DIY haircut I did at 2AM this morning. You know how ideas seem so kickass bitchen when you are dangerously sleep-deprived? And how - if you don't wear your glasses and only have the nightlight on in the bathroom - you can totally dig the coif you give yourself, employing all the methods you see Shanon and Vesta use in the shop, like cutting in sideways and twisting locks of hair before you snip?

The morning light brought a harsh blow. I look like I pulled out pieces of hair with my teeth during the night. The only positive thing I can say about my new haircut is that I have finally discovered the perfect style to highlight a double chin.

Which is enough accomplishment for today, right?

 

 

 

Comments

[Claire]

I once gave myself a bang trim while on the phone and running late for a meeting. Someone later that day referred to me as Prince Valiant. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson, but several years ago I reenacted the whole painful event. I'm a maverick: I refuse to learn from my mistakes. Who's with me?

[Claudia]

Very excited to have my list mentioned on the fabulous Dr. Strangelove blog! IMMORTALITY AT LAST!

[Barbara]

When I run a fever, I feel compelled to cut my hair....and I do. It's an odd side effect of illness.

Fortunately, I have no list for my children-in-law to consider. I have volumes, but no lists.

[alicia]

There is nothing better than cutting bangs and watching the soft woosh of hair cover the white sink like mini pickup sticks. Second to this is the addition of more hair as you dive in to fix the unfixable.

Voila mini bangs.

[IreneDawnDavenport]

Claudia's list is worthy of much praise and re-posting.
Ann, I particularly love your last paragraph about DIY hair styling. It made me do a weird guffaw/hoot thing.
You're all so daring and ballsy for attempting to cut your own hair. I've never done that, not once. I'm certain it would end badly.

[Colin Summers]

Your eldest came home for the surgery? See, you did something right.

When my mother told her college friend that all three children showed up for lumpectomy, her friend said, "The little shits pay off in the end, don't they?"

[Madge]

No amount of planning will work. You will either like her or not. I have two of the best DIL's, some just because their personalities work with mine and also because I have learned to keep my mouth shut (well, most of the time). I do believe it takes a lot of work but the rewards are priceless.

Don't waste your time to write a list. Just look at how they treat their Mom and that is how they will treat their wives-the good, the bad and the ugly. :)

[Jane]

I would like to comment but I'm late for a meeting.

[yochi]

where can i see this list?

[doris]

Oh, Ann,you sell yourself way too short! There are days I would have given anything to have a mother-in-law like you! Full of honesty, humor, and joie de vivre. Your DIL's will be VERY lucky women :)