In Which I Regret Not Sleeping With Andy and Freddy When I Had The Chance

You think YOU feel like a loser? You have no idea.

I am close personal friends with not one but two heroes.  Andy Lipkis (http://www.treepeople.org) and Freddy Mednick (http://teacherswithoutborders.org) are doing nothing less than saving the world every day. And, as you can imagine, this makes it very difficult to feel good about myself when, after hearing about their disease-resistant, union-run, eldercare, fat-free watershed project in Ethiopia or something (I have no idea), all I can add is that I spent Christmas break working on my abs. Which, of course, I didn't even.

Is close, personal proximity to greatness enough to get me into Heaven? I really should have slept with them when I had the chance forty years ago. Maybe they could have thrown me a karma bone. As far as I can recall, no one I ever slept with is now in a position to elevate my karmic, professional or financial station in life. God, I was so young and stupid.

Now Robin, however, once slept with a woman who we think is pretty wealthy now but I don't think she is going to give us any money because, well, she blocked our calls.

I am pretty much the good deeds version of being the fat girl hanging out with super models. Sadly, I am also pretty much the original version, as well. Odd man in, that's me.

I need to do something. Something meaningful. And I need to do it this weekend.  And it's already Sunday. Late afternoon Sunday. AND I want to watch MOB WIVES at 9, so there really isn't much time to get this together. Honestly, I have no idea how Andy and Freddy do it. Maybe they have TIVO so they can record MOB WIVES or something. Freddy and Andy have all the damn luck. I don't have TIVO so it really isn't fair.

So far, all I have is a list of all the broken shit on my stove that needs to be replaced. Well, not the whole list, exactly; I have a piece of paper right here and a pen that isn't leaking.

I also have a lot of meaningful ideas.

Okay, you got me. No I don't.

Fuck.

Wait! I DID do something meaningful today. Oh. Wait. No, I didn't. That was yesterday. And it wasn't meaningful. And I didn't do it.

Okay, I've got it! You know what I am going to do? I am going to get some less awesome friends.

Really fat ones.

Comments

[Barbara]

I can't believe she blocked your calls. She is such a bitch.

[Madgew]

Ann, you are a writer making a difference by bringing laughter to millions. That's enough for me and could be for you if you think of your million fans all loving you. Love and funny are better than composting or planting some trees. I did tell a story at the Tree People compound in Coldwater Canyon. Andy does have great Karma but I think you must have given him inspiration 40 years ago.